Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Sample Chapter from Hilarious Trump Satire: Mismanagement Is an Art

photo of book cover and Trump supporter caricature drawing for article with sample chapter from hilarious Trump satire: Mismanagement Is an Art
Sample Chapter of Hilarious Trump Satire: Mismanagement Is an Art
Donald Trump is a big-time joke in need of a serious punchline right across his big, orange face. Bing, bam, boom.

But seriously, folks, if you want good, clean (well, mostly clean), and absurdly funny satire of Donald Trump and his ridiculously incompetent management style, then check out my book Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys (satire).

I've added a sample chapter below, so you can see what you think.

Sample Chapter from Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys

Chapter 2: Wally Whitewash Wants to Get Rich

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Wally Whitewash, who wanted to get rich, but he had one small problem. He was not very smart, and he didn’t have any real skills. (Make that two problems.)

But Wally Whitewash did have one thing going for him: he looked cool, his family was rich, and he was white. (Make that three things.) Also, he had a very charming smile, and when he smiled, people liked him. Nobody really knew why they liked him; they just did.

From the time Wally was a young child, people had always liked him. All he had to do was smile, and he won them over.

Of course, it helped that his dad was a successful businessman, that his mom was a former beauty queen, and that both of his parents came from families flush with old money. In addition to inheriting their status, prestige, and social connections, Wally also inherited his winning smile from them. Everybody who knew Wally knew who his parents were, and nobody wanted to make them mad by telling them anything they didn’t want to hear about their beloved son.

Wally could get away with anything. No matter what he did, when he got caught, he would smile that big, vapid smile of his, and everyone would smile and laugh and say, “Come on, Wally, you know you can’t do that.”

And Wally would laugh right along with them and think to himself, “I’m awesome! I can do whatever I want!”

And Wally would do pretty much whatever he wanted. If he ever got into trouble, he just flashed that big, vapid smile, and people gave him a second chance – or even a 200th chance. And if he ever went too far for him to charm his way out of trouble, his dad taught him that when you’re part of the good ol’ boy network, you don’t really have to deal with consequences like regular folks do. Good ol’ boys know how to make their misdeeds disappear.

By the time Wally went to college, he had life all figured out. He was awesome, and so was everyone else who reminded him of himself. They were the winners in the game of life. Everyone else was a loser, and they deserved to lose. They had stupid, lazy parents. They came from shithole countries. They had entitlement mentalities. They were better off at the bottom of society, because they were natural born losers. It was their own damn fault. Wally and the other winners in life didn’t owe those losers a damn thing.

Wally studied business management at Trump Community College, a very prestigious school. He was a mediocre student, but his dad donated lots of money to the school, in exchange for premium season tickets to football and basketball games; and one of the buildings at the school was named after Wally’s great-great-great-great grandfather, who had made a fortune in the slave trade. Given the weight of Wally’s family name, none of the professors could give Wally the grades he actually deserved: straight F’s. So after four years of frat parties, Wally graduated with a solid C average.

Throughout college, Wally got prestigious internships and summer jobs for which he was completely unqualified. But it didn’t matter. Wally had learned how to smile that big, vapid smile of his, while he spoke all the right buzz words with the right confidence and charm, and everybody loved him.

Before Wally graduated, his dad sat him down and talked straight to him about what lay ahead.

“Wally, you don’t have any real skills or intelligence,” he said, with a proud smile. “But so what! Neither do I! And that’s okay, because we live in the United States of America, where being lucky and looking good are all that matter. And who is luckier or better looking than you or me?”

“Nobody,” replied Wally, with a big, vapid grin.

“So I’m going to do for you what my old man did for me,” said Wally’s dad. “I’m going to send you to train under an old friend of mine, who will teach you the art of management: how to make yourself look good, even when you don’t have the slightest clue what you’re doing.

“My friend’s name is Peter Panman. He’s the managing partner of Slumlord Housing, LLP. If you do what he teaches you, you will be able to get rich, even though you’re not that bright and you’re not that good. All that matters is that you speak and act like you own the world.”

Then Wally’s dad sat back in his chair, smiled real big, and spread his arms wide. “Look at me!” he said. “I was a C student. I spent more time in the frat house than I spent in class. I’ve never had an original idea, although I’ve been able to steal a few good ideas from others. If you look only at the actual work I do, my work ethic is atrocious. But I’m a charming, confident, sharp-dressed white man, with a big smile and a strong handshake. And I have gotten rich.”

Wally smiled, as he high-fived his dad. They laughed, and Wally asked, “So when do I go meet Peter Panman?”

“Tomorrow,” his dad said. “Ol’ Pete said he’ll meet you at his office at 11:30, when he gets back from his racquetball game. He’ll show you around a bit and take you to lunch.” His dad’s eyes narrowed, as he placed his hand on Wally’s shoulder. “Now look, son, I know I’ve never told you to take anything seriously before, but please take this seriously. If you want to sham your way through life, like I’ve done, you got to know how to do it. Looking good is much more important in America than actually being good. Pete will teach you how to look good, even when the shit hits the fan – especially when the shit hits the fan.”

If you enjoyed reading about Wally Whitewash (modeled after the young Donald Trump) . . . 

If you enjoyed reading about Wally Whitewash (a caricature of the young Donald Trump) and would like to read more of Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys (satire), then you can preview more of the book on Amazon, or you can view another sample chapter on this blog.


And let me know what you think! Connect with me on Twitter (@SatireChamp) at https://twitter.com/SatireChamp or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/Ronnie-Champ-203478423562150/.

Monday, March 26, 2018

What Should I Call My New Book about Donald Trump?


Satire of Trump: picture of Trump with funny wig and lipstick to show that Trump is a whore: possible cover of funny book about Trump
What should I call my new book about Donald Trump? Give me your feedback on Twitter @SatireChamp or on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ronnie.champ.716 . . .

Trump Is Making America Great Again (for porn stars and prostitutes and Russian henchmen)!

Trump has done a bang-up job making America great again. We've got porn stars and hookers coming out of the woodwork to share the sordid details of their dalliances with the commander in chief. We've got rumors swirling about possible collusion with the Russians and the Kremlin's fake-news machine to manufacture a Trump victory in the Republican primary and the general election. We've got an Administration that uses Twitter as an official channel for diplomacy. We've got rumors of bedbugs and crabs frolicking around the White House, occasionally joining in the midnight romps between Trump and whatever dime-store hooker currently reminds him of his daughter.

Working Titles of Book about Trump (Satire)

So as I prepare to write my unauthorized account of Trump's Presidency, I am wondering what title would be best. So far, I've narrowed it down to "The Art of the Steal" and "Star Whores: The Emperor Strokes Back." πŸ‘„πŸ‘…πŸ’‹πŸ’–πŸ˜πŸ˜›πŸ™ˆπŸ™‰πŸ˜­πŸ˜³

But let me know if you have any ideas for a catchy and compelling title to my next book about The Donald and the reality TV circus that is the Trump Presidency.

And if you haven't yet read my first satire of Trump and his bogus management style, check out Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys (satire) on Amazon. 

Monday, March 5, 2018

First Chapter from the book Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys (satire) by Ronnie Champ

Cover photo of the book Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys (satire) by Ronnie Champ
Check out the first chapter of my fantastic new book about management, Donald Trump style, called Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys (satire), which is available as a kindle ebook or paperback on Amazon. If you like this introductory chapter and would like to read more, you can view additional sample material from the book on Amazon.

 CHAPTER ONE: BE A WINNER LIKE ME 

Hi, my name is Ronnie Champ. I’m the Professor of Reaganomics at Trump Community College, in Puddville, Alabama. I’m also the managing partner of Pyramid Investment Group (PIG), and I work as a consultant with my own firm, Stay Juiced, Ltd., where I help clients improve their physical and financial health through performance-enhancing dietary supplements.

But most people know me as the author of the international bestseller I Stole Your Cheese: An Amazing Way to Make Millions for Yourself, While Your Company Goes Down in Flames, which is the inspirational story about how I personally profited from the recent financial crisis in America (which I helped cause), even though my company, Ponzi Brothers Investment Bank, went belly up, and many of my investors lost their life savings.

Now, I’ve decided to write a book about management. In this book, I teach you the management strategies of good ol’ boys like me, President Trump, Bill O’Reilly, Strom Thurmond, George Wallace, and Adolf Hitler.

This book builds upon the philosophy of my first book. My philosophy is simple: there are winners and losers in life. Be a winner, and treat everyone else like a loser.

In this book, I teach you how to manage people. I show you the strategies and techniques that I have personally used to sort out the winners (people like me) from the losers (everybody else). If you follow my advice, I personally guarantee that you will be a winner. You will win all the time. You will win so much, you may even get tired of winning.

I guarantee you that my management style works. Just look at me! Just look at President Trump! He’s making America great again, just like he made Eastern Airlines and the USFL great again in the 1980’s.

If you want to make yourself great too, you should follow the strategies I lay out in this book!

These principles of management are so good, that they will definitely work for you. The only way that the advice in this book would not work is if you are actually a loser.

If you are a loser, then you will be S.O.L. You will not really be able to follow my advice, because my advice is for winners. If this advice does not work for you, it is obviously your fault, not mine. I can’t help it if you are a loser.

But for those of you who are winners, you are in for a real treat. To teach you about management principles, I use a fun story about a young man, Wally Whitewash, whose dad sends him to learn management from a true winner and good ol’ boy, Peter Panman.

It’s a short story. It won’t take you long to read it. It will be fun and humorous. But the truths of this book will stay with you for a lifetime. If you apply these principles, you will become a winner, like me, like President Trump, like Bill O’Reilly, like Sean Hannity, like Mein FΓΌhrer! Seig Heil!

So without further ado, let me tell you the story of Wally Whitewash . . .




If this introductory chapter of Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys (satire) interests you enough to want to learn more about how to manage like a real winner (like me and Trump), then check out this book on Amazon, where you can view additional sample portions of this book or reviews.

Connect with Ronnie Champ, author of Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys (satire)

Visit Ronnie Champ on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/Ronnie-Champ-203478423562150/, Twitter at https://twitter.com/SatireChamp, Google Plus at https://plus.google.com/u/0/b/116928397055053244987/116928397055053244987, or Youtube at https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQQLELsP2afnS4C9IBMpq1w?view_as=subscriber. Also, check out Ronnie Champ's World of Satire at https://ronniechampsatire.wordpress.com/ and Ronnie Champ's Amazon author page at https://www.amazon.com/Ronnie-Champ/e/B0792L4H5T.


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