Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Sample Chapter from Hilarious Trump Satire: Mismanagement Is an Art

photo of book cover and Trump supporter caricature drawing for article with sample chapter from hilarious Trump satire: Mismanagement Is an Art
Sample Chapter of Hilarious Trump Satire: Mismanagement Is an Art
Donald Trump is a big-time joke in need of a serious punchline right across his big, orange face. Bing, bam, boom.

But seriously, folks, if you want good, clean (well, mostly clean), and absurdly funny satire of Donald Trump and his ridiculously incompetent management style, then check out my book Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys (satire).

I've added a sample chapter below, so you can see what you think.

Sample Chapter from Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys

Chapter 2: Wally Whitewash Wants to Get Rich

Once upon a time, there was a young man named Wally Whitewash, who wanted to get rich, but he had one small problem. He was not very smart, and he didn’t have any real skills. (Make that two problems.)

But Wally Whitewash did have one thing going for him: he looked cool, his family was rich, and he was white. (Make that three things.) Also, he had a very charming smile, and when he smiled, people liked him. Nobody really knew why they liked him; they just did.

From the time Wally was a young child, people had always liked him. All he had to do was smile, and he won them over.

Of course, it helped that his dad was a successful businessman, that his mom was a former beauty queen, and that both of his parents came from families flush with old money. In addition to inheriting their status, prestige, and social connections, Wally also inherited his winning smile from them. Everybody who knew Wally knew who his parents were, and nobody wanted to make them mad by telling them anything they didn’t want to hear about their beloved son.

Wally could get away with anything. No matter what he did, when he got caught, he would smile that big, vapid smile of his, and everyone would smile and laugh and say, “Come on, Wally, you know you can’t do that.”

And Wally would laugh right along with them and think to himself, “I’m awesome! I can do whatever I want!”

And Wally would do pretty much whatever he wanted. If he ever got into trouble, he just flashed that big, vapid smile, and people gave him a second chance – or even a 200th chance. And if he ever went too far for him to charm his way out of trouble, his dad taught him that when you’re part of the good ol’ boy network, you don’t really have to deal with consequences like regular folks do. Good ol’ boys know how to make their misdeeds disappear.

By the time Wally went to college, he had life all figured out. He was awesome, and so was everyone else who reminded him of himself. They were the winners in the game of life. Everyone else was a loser, and they deserved to lose. They had stupid, lazy parents. They came from shithole countries. They had entitlement mentalities. They were better off at the bottom of society, because they were natural born losers. It was their own damn fault. Wally and the other winners in life didn’t owe those losers a damn thing.

Wally studied business management at Trump Community College, a very prestigious school. He was a mediocre student, but his dad donated lots of money to the school, in exchange for premium season tickets to football and basketball games; and one of the buildings at the school was named after Wally’s great-great-great-great grandfather, who had made a fortune in the slave trade. Given the weight of Wally’s family name, none of the professors could give Wally the grades he actually deserved: straight F’s. So after four years of frat parties, Wally graduated with a solid C average.

Throughout college, Wally got prestigious internships and summer jobs for which he was completely unqualified. But it didn’t matter. Wally had learned how to smile that big, vapid smile of his, while he spoke all the right buzz words with the right confidence and charm, and everybody loved him.

Before Wally graduated, his dad sat him down and talked straight to him about what lay ahead.

“Wally, you don’t have any real skills or intelligence,” he said, with a proud smile. “But so what! Neither do I! And that’s okay, because we live in the United States of America, where being lucky and looking good are all that matter. And who is luckier or better looking than you or me?”

“Nobody,” replied Wally, with a big, vapid grin.

“So I’m going to do for you what my old man did for me,” said Wally’s dad. “I’m going to send you to train under an old friend of mine, who will teach you the art of management: how to make yourself look good, even when you don’t have the slightest clue what you’re doing.

“My friend’s name is Peter Panman. He’s the managing partner of Slumlord Housing, LLP. If you do what he teaches you, you will be able to get rich, even though you’re not that bright and you’re not that good. All that matters is that you speak and act like you own the world.”

Then Wally’s dad sat back in his chair, smiled real big, and spread his arms wide. “Look at me!” he said. “I was a C student. I spent more time in the frat house than I spent in class. I’ve never had an original idea, although I’ve been able to steal a few good ideas from others. If you look only at the actual work I do, my work ethic is atrocious. But I’m a charming, confident, sharp-dressed white man, with a big smile and a strong handshake. And I have gotten rich.”

Wally smiled, as he high-fived his dad. They laughed, and Wally asked, “So when do I go meet Peter Panman?”

“Tomorrow,” his dad said. “Ol’ Pete said he’ll meet you at his office at 11:30, when he gets back from his racquetball game. He’ll show you around a bit and take you to lunch.” His dad’s eyes narrowed, as he placed his hand on Wally’s shoulder. “Now look, son, I know I’ve never told you to take anything seriously before, but please take this seriously. If you want to sham your way through life, like I’ve done, you got to know how to do it. Looking good is much more important in America than actually being good. Pete will teach you how to look good, even when the shit hits the fan – especially when the shit hits the fan.”

If you enjoyed reading about Wally Whitewash (modeled after the young Donald Trump) . . . 

If you enjoyed reading about Wally Whitewash (a caricature of the young Donald Trump) and would like to read more of Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys (satire), then you can preview more of the book on Amazon, or you can view another sample chapter on this blog.

And let me know what you think! Connect with me on Twitter (@SatireChamp) at https://twitter.com/SatireChamp or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/Ronnie-Champ-203478423562150/.

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