Thursday, June 28, 2018

Trump Nominates Pat Robertson to Supreme Court


photo of Trump speaking and announcing that he has nominated Pat Robertson to the Supreme Court
Just minutes ago in an impromptu press conference at the White House, President Trump announced that he had nominated Pat Robertson to the Supreme Court to replace Justice Kennedy, who is set to retire in July.

This announcement was met with stunned silence and audible gasps of horror. Three reporters for the New York Times promptly went into cardiac arrest and had to be rushed to the hospital, while a CNN anchor committed suicide by impaling himself on his camera's tripod.

"Fake news," said Trump, mockingly, as the CNN reporter writhed atop the tripod. "Fake drama. Fake news. Really sad."


Trump was unable to continue his speech, due to angry outbursts and loud weeping from the press. In response, Trump stepped away from the podium, gestured to his press secretary, and yelled, "Have them play the music." Immediately, the Marine Corps Band began to play "Hail to the Chief," and they continued playing this song for several minutes. Meanwhile, Secret Service agents arrested many journalists for disorderly conduct and for allegedly inciting a riot.

After order had been somewhat restored, Trump resumed his speech. "I ask the questions around here. That's how we do these press conferences from now on. Okay? Why shouldn't I nominate Pat Buchanan to the Supreme Court? He graduated near the top of his class from Yale Law School, he served honorably in the Korean War, he started the most successful Christian broadcasting company in the history of the world, and most importantly, it will wrap up the religious vote for me in 2020. No matter how many women come forward to say I had an affair with them and paid them off, or that I grabbed them by the pussy, or that I masturbate to a picture of my own daughter -- which is a total lie, by the way. So you tell me, why shouldn't I nominate Pat Robertson to the Supreme Court?"

"Has he ever passed the bar exam in any state?" asked a reporter for MSNBC.

Trump shook his head and replied, "Fake news. And I'm supposed to be answering the questions around here, not you. This is my press conference." Trump then gave a signal to the band, and they began playing "Hail to the Chief" again. Trump grinned, held up his hand in a Nazi salute, and said, "Pat Robertson is going to bring good Christian values back to the Supreme Court. Pat Robertson is a man who believes in the rule of law, and who believes in having a strong President who has all the power he needs to make his country great again."

As the band continued playing "Hail to the Chief," Trump walked away from the podium and disappeared behind a curtain.

Democratic Senators vowed to block any vote on Mr. Robertson's nomination until after the mid-term elections in November, but Mitch McConnell replied, "The Democrats will be met with fire and fury like the world has never seen. We are definitely going to use the nuclear option to make sure this one goes through. I know that God wants Pat Robertson on the Supreme Court, and we Republicans are going to make sure that we don't let God down."


Follow this story as it develops. Learn more about President Trump's nomination of Pat Robertson to the Supreme Court, and other breaking news about President Trump, at RonnieChamp.blogspot.com, or on Twitter (@SatireChamp) at twitter.com/SatireChamp.

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Video about How to Manage Like Trump

Photo of Trump for blog post about video satire about how to manage like Trump (satire)
Want to learn how to manage like Trump? Watch this video to learn more!
Do you want to learn how YOU can become an effective leader like Trump? Do you want to become a better manager and make yourself and your organization great again? Watch this video to learn more!

In this video, Ronnie Champ tells you about the principles of Trump-style management. To manage effectively, you have to leverage the powerful tools of racism, sexism, narcissism, and other ism's to promote yourself and your agenda.



It's all in Ronnie Champ's fantastic new book Mismanagement Is an Art: Lessons in Management from Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler, and Other Good Ol' Boys (Satire), which can be yours for the bargain price of only $2.99!

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Trump Announces Tariffs Against California

Trump announces heavy tariffs against California
Trump imposes heavy tariffs on California exports

Trump Starts Trade War with California!

Today, President Trump brought the trade war home. In a speech that angered both Republicans and Democrats, Trump announced heavy tariffs on goods and services exported from California to the rest of the United States.

"The time has come to put California in its place," said Trump. "This state has ruined itself with its socialist, new age values, and now it is trying to export its corruption to the other 48 states. For the record, I don't consider North Dakota a state either. One Dakota is enough. I believe that North Dakota and South Dakota don't have enough people to be considered a state, but since South Dakota has Mount Rushmore, I'll give it a pass."

Trump's plan calls for the following tariffs on goods and services that originate in California and that are then sold elsewhere in the Unites States: a 10% levy on agricultural producs, a 15% levy on manufactured goods, a 25% tax on non-political intellectual property (which would include Google searches and downloads from Google Play and the Apple Store), and a 150% tax on what Trump called "all the sissified, political bullshit that California produces."
Trump Announces Tariffs Against California (Satire)_Map of California Border
Trump initiates trade war with California

California Governor Jerry Brown Responds to Trump's Tariff Announcement


California's governor, Jerry Brown, issued a statement calling Trump's tariffs "illegal, immoral, and just the kind of divisive rhetoric that one would expect in a third-world country, not the United States of America."

Trump responded to Jerry Brown's statement by tweet: "Hey Governor Moonbeam (aka @realJerryBrown), under the terms of the new tariffs, you owe the IRS $480,000.00 for that stupid-ass statement you issued on fake-news-loving CNN. That's ten grand for every state that had to hear your pathetic statement. Sad."

What Effect Will Trump's California Tariffs Have?


There will likely be several legal challenges to Trump's new sanctions. The ACLU has already begun gathering plaintiffs for what it's California director calls "the single biggest class-action lawsuit in U.S. history. Potentially, every American is a plaintiff."

According to an unnamed source in the Trump organization, President Trump is hoping that the controversy and chaos generated by the California tariffs will be enough to distract the American public from the Russia investigation and the Stormy Daniels debacle.


For further developments on this story, be sure to follow @SatireChamp on Twitter or on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ronnie.champ.716.

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