Saturday, June 9, 2018

Trump Announces Tariffs Against California

Trump announces heavy tariffs against California
Trump imposes heavy tariffs on California exports

Trump Starts Trade War with California!

Today, President Trump brought the trade war home. In a speech that angered both Republicans and Democrats, Trump announced heavy tariffs on goods and services exported from California to the rest of the United States.

"The time has come to put California in its place," said Trump. "This state has ruined itself with its socialist, new age values, and now it is trying to export its corruption to the other 48 states. For the record, I don't consider North Dakota a state either. One Dakota is enough. I believe that North Dakota and South Dakota don't have enough people to be considered a state, but since South Dakota has Mount Rushmore, I'll give it a pass."

Trump's plan calls for the following tariffs on goods and services that originate in California and that are then sold elsewhere in the Unites States: a 10% levy on agricultural producs, a 15% levy on manufactured goods, a 25% tax on non-political intellectual property (which would include Google searches and downloads from Google Play and the Apple Store), and a 150% tax on what Trump called "all the sissified, political bullshit that California produces."
Trump Announces Tariffs Against California (Satire)_Map of California Border
Trump initiates trade war with California

California Governor Jerry Brown Responds to Trump's Tariff Announcement

California's governor, Jerry Brown, issued a statement calling Trump's tariffs "illegal, immoral, and just the kind of divisive rhetoric that one would expect in a third-world country, not the United States of America."

Trump responded to Jerry Brown's statement by tweet: "Hey Governor Moonbeam (aka @realJerryBrown), under the terms of the new tariffs, you owe the IRS $480,000.00 for that stupid-ass statement you issued on fake-news-loving CNN. That's ten grand for every state that had to hear your pathetic statement. Sad."

What Effect Will Trump's California Tariffs Have?

There will likely be several legal challenges to Trump's new sanctions. The ACLU has already begun gathering plaintiffs for what it's California director calls "the single biggest class-action lawsuit in U.S. history. Potentially, every American is a plaintiff."

According to an unnamed source in the Trump organization, President Trump is hoping that the controversy and chaos generated by the California tariffs will be enough to distract the American public from the Russia investigation and the Stormy Daniels debacle.

For further developments on this story, be sure to follow @SatireChamp on Twitter or on Facebook at

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